Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
