You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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