just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
