when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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