She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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