I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
True strength comes from lack of pants
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
