she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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