My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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