He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
