i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
