you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
