Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Ladies don't puke and tell
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
