my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Just pee around me
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
