So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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