I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
