i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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