I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
