I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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