so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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