I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Who died my cat blue again?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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