Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
