Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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