My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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