I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I look better un-naked...
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
