So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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