first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
