Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
