You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Everything about him screamed your future.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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