Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
