i think my tv is drunk
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
