Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
