WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Randomize
