Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
