Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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