Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Michael Bay diarrhea
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
