I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
