sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
