I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
