i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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