No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
She needs sedatives and a leash
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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