I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
