I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
