God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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