well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
kristin has been a bad kristin
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
