Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
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