Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
