there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
