fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
