Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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