and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
