I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
