You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I wish there were birth control emojis
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
