just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
